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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25946398">Seven Visitors</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CC_Writes_Stuff/pseuds/CC_Writes_Stuff'>CC_Writes_Stuff</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV), Welcome to Night Vale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>All the Hargreeves are there but none of them really say anything and are just kinda there, Background Carlos/Cecil Palmer, CC thinks she's funny, Canon LGBTQ Character, Canon-Typical Violence, Carlos Adapts to Night Vale, Cecil Palmer's Fashion Sense, Cecil loves Carlos, Episode Style, Established Carlos/Cecil Palmer, Fake Episode, Five is John Mulaney's double change my mind, Gen, I had this idea and had to write it, I had three songs to choose from for the weather, In which Five takes the siblings to 2015 Nightvale instead of 1960s Dallas, John Mulaney References, M/M, Many Umbrella academy references that Cecil should not know but does because he's Cecil, Minor Spoilers for Umbrella Academy, Night Vale Community Radio, Not Canon Compliant, One-Shot, Scientist Carlos (Welcome to Night Vale), The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is Absolute Crack, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Typical Night Vale Weirdness, Vaugley implied that Cecil is human but with a third eye and moving tentacles, and I don't regret the one I chose at all, but we all expect that, no beta we die like ben, only people can actually see ben in this because it's Night Vale, very minor death from an intern</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:02:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,237</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25946398</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CC_Writes_Stuff/pseuds/CC_Writes_Stuff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There are seven new visitors in town who appeared through a rift in the space-time continuum. Also, an update on Koshek the cat, octopuses are not to be trusted, and a look at the community calender!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cecil Palmer/Carlos Ramirez</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Seven Visitors</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have no regrets whatsoever. I just got into WtNV, needed to get rid of writer's block and I've been wanting to write something with both WtNV and Umbrella academy for a while, so here we go.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Light a candle. Now light another one. Now light a third. You can’t stop lighting candles. Your house smells of incense, and you’re unable to breathe. Light another one. The house is on fire. You keep lighting candles. You cannot stop lighting candles and die, surrounded by flames smelling of cotton candy, marshmallows, and moonlight.</p>
<p>Welcome to Night Vale.</p>
<p>Listeners, it seems we’re having some visitors today. At around noon, or maybe five - time doesn’t exist here, after all - a group of six people - four adults, a girl in a white suit, a teenager and a very sassy child or young adult who looks suspiciously like immortal comedian John Mulaney- appeared from a swirling vortex of blue in Mission Grove Park. Witnesses have described the vortex as some sort of temporal anomaly and said there were sounds coming from the other end that sounded as if the group was using time travel to save themselves from, say, certain death. Or something along those lines. My boyfriend, Carlos, is on the way there now to investigate, but he sent me a text telling me to warn all of you listeners to stay away from the vortex until further notice. After all, dear listeners, time travel is a dangerous thing, and something that only City Council members and people from a vague, yet menacing, government agency are allowed to do. Further updates to come.</p>
<p>In other news, the Sheriff’s Secret Police have issued a warning - several warnings, in fact - about octopuses. “Octopuses are dangerous,” one representative hissed to Intern Sophia, a slimy tentacle reaching out from under their hat and stroking Sophia’s cheek. “Their heinousness knows no bounds. They will kill your loved ones, tear you apart with their tentacles, and assassinate the president if given the chance. Not to mention they make horrible parents and grilled cheese.” When Intern Sophia, her cheek green and black from the Sheriff’s Secret Police representative’s tentacle, asked how they knew they were bad parents and makers of grilled cheese, they let out a demonic screeching before walking off as a chimp - ape? Monkey? Orangutan? Something that looks like one of the animals described above but is not? - crashed through the station window to follow.</p>
<p>On a separate but related note, our hearts go out to the family and friends of Intern Sophia, killed by either the slime of the representative’s tentacle or the shards of glass from the broken window. It’s unclear what actually killed her.</p>
<p>But I do have some good news, listeners! For those of you who have Flixnet, you will be invited to an all-day and company-sponsored party at the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Zone this Saturday, starting at nine am and ending sometime around five to eight, depending on how long Saturday plans to stay up. Make sure to wear your bowling shoes, bullet-proof vests, and bring at least one assault rifle, hand grenade, or tactical knife. You’ll need it, listeners, and it always helps to be prepared! Kenny G’s birthday party will also be held there as well. Happy thirteenth birthday, Kenny!</p>
<p>And now, a word from our sponsors.</p>
<p>Close your eyes. Breathe in, breathe out. Now open them. In front of you stand tiles, many tiles, all with different patterns and symbols and glyphs from ancient, forgotten languages spoken by ancient, forgotten Gods. The tiles are arranged in shapes, such as birds and arrows and umbrellas. They are blocking your path. You go to move one, but they will not budge. When you touched it, however, it glows green, and sparkles slightly. You touch it again, and the glow fades. You take a step back. You take another step back. Another, and keep going until you see the whole picture again, in the shape of a duck. It makes sense, but it doesn’t. You don’t know what the glyphs and symbols and patterns mean, nor why they glow. Did you read about them once? It’s hard to say. Search your mind, open your chest, and let your brain and blood drip into your hands. You are trying to remember, but you cannot. The tiles stare down at you, mocking and laughing at you as you try to understand, to find the puzzle, and end up puzzling your own existence.</p>
<p>Today’s sponsorship has been brought to you by Mahjong. Do not try to understand what the symbols mean, or you will never understand yourself.</p>
<p>An update on the visitors, listeners. The visitors, including the John-Mulaney ripoff kid, have entered Big Rico’s Pizza - make sure to grab your mandatory slice if you haven’t already, listeners! They seem to be arguing about something concerning the young girl in a white suit and an apocalypse, but the only witness to that was Steve Carlsburgh, ugh, and he’s a liar, he's always lying, so take that with a grain of salt, listeners. Meanwhile, my lovely boyfriend, perfect Carlos, is investigating the apparent distortion in the space-time continuum caused by the visitors arriving and wants me to warn you all once again not to approach this rift. But, I mean, how bad could it really be, after all? Unless we get another double of ourselves again or it doesn’t tear reality into two, I think we’ll be okay. I myself am considering dropping by Big Ricos for not only my mandatory slice of pizza, but to interview the visitors and hopefully help my wonderful boyfriend figure out if they were the ones who caused this rift, but I have to get permission from station management first. Wish me luck, listeners.</p>
<p>Oh, I’ve just received a text from Old Woman Josie, out by the Car Lot, saying that the creatures who are definitely not angels told her that something is coming to Night Vale. They don’t know what yet is coming, but they are confident that it’s likely to be life-changing and cataclysmic, and we should prepare immediately, and that the visitors, while strange, are more of a danger to themselves than they are anyone else 95 percent of the time, with the exception of the John Mulaney ripoff kid.</p>
<p>Thank you for that lovely message, Josie, but seeing as how not only are angels not real, meaning that what they say might very well also not be real, cataclysmic, and life-threatening events happen in Night Vale, like, every other Wednesday. At least once a year, around the middle of June or July, although it is September right now and we just got rid of Strexcorp last year and I got my boyfriend back from the Desert Otherworld he was trapped in. So I don’t think we have anything to worry about, listeners. After all, we are Night Vale, and Night Vale citizens are nothing if not resilient, possibly even immortal. Whatever dangers have threatened our little town in the past have been beaten, and I have no doubt that if we band together, we too can survive whatever event shall come next.</p>
<p>And now, a look at the community calendar.</p>
<p>Tomorrow, as you already know, will be the Flixnet All-Day bowling party! Again, make sure to wear bulletproof vests, and bring machine guns, knives, hand grenades, and possibly a present for Kenny. It is unclear if we are going to war against the underground city that lives underneath the pin retrieval area of lane five, so be prepared.</p>
<p>On Sunday, you will find any items you’ve lost in a box somewhere in your house. Congratulations!</p>
<p>Monday, the City Council will be holding a spicy curry eating competition in front of City Hall! Hope you can handle spicy food, listeners because I do not want to know what will happen if you lose.</p>
<p>Tuesday, Dark Owl Records will be having a sale. Buy anything, and get a free, definitely non-poisonous cupcake to go along with your incredibly stupid purchase of Eminem, scary.</p>
<p>Wednesday is Night Vale’s annual Egg your ex’s car, house, lawn, and face day! Make sure to bring lots of eggs, and carry with you a chicken at all times. Just make sure you don’t grab any knives, as last year we had to end it early because someone stabbed their ex to death instead. And maybe, while your at it, take this time to head over to Desert Bluffs and egg some of their citizens and houses. They deserve it, really.</p>
<p>Thursday… You know what, it’s probably just better if you stay inside. The forecast predicts an apocalypse, so… do with that information what you will, listeners.</p>
<p>On Friday, we will- Oh, hang on, listeners. It appears that we have a visitor in our studio tonight, knocking rather rudely on my door. It’s a woman, with blonde hair and… is that a bullet hole in her skull? There’s like, brains leaking out of it, and she doesn’t seem to notice the On Air sign that’s flashing red above the window nor the fact that she’s dripping brains onto the floor - like, have some respect, please! I just got this place cleaned up. Excuse me for a moment, listeners, while I go deal with this situation. I’ll put on a pre-recorded broadcast in the meantime while I go talk to this rather rude woman.</p>
<p>Do you ever look up at the sky and wonder if aliens live up there? Or do they live down here, on earth, with us, blending in as humans and living normal lives? Do you think that aliens are real, that you are real, or that you are merely a blob of flesh and skin and bones and slime that look like a human… An alien? Are you a human, or an alien wearing a human’s mask and pretending to your roommate Harry that you are a human? What does it mean to be human? Look deep inside yourself, and make sure to take off your mask before you go to bed. Or brutally murder your coworkers in a fit of rage.</p>
<p>This has been the Children’s Fun Fact and Science Corner.</p>
<p>Sorry about that unexpected break, listeners. The woman - she called herself the Handler, what kind of a name is that? I mean I know my name isn’t that interesting but at least it’s not as boring as The Handler or Stever Carlsburg or Kevin - was looking for information on the six visitors and John Mulaney ripoff. I told her that they had been at Big Ricos, but left, and I haven’t the time to figure out where they went since my phone is going haywire and I can only hear violin music and screams of the innocent on it. I’ll have to get that fixed. If you have information about the visitors, please text us at my number or the NVPR Station.</p>
<p>Speaking of texts, I just got one from Carlos, saying that two more visitors have suddenly appeared from the warp, named Hazel and Agnes. Perfect Carlos, always trying to help people, gave them a quick check-up, and although they seem rather confused and disoriented, appear fine otherwise! Which is good, because time travel is a finicky thing and has the possibility to cause massive strain on people’s bodies, especially if they aren’t prepared, which can lead to mutilation, being lost in the space-time continuum, age progression or regression, and possibly death. The Sheriff’s Secret Police also want me all to remind you guys that talk of time travel is completely forbidden and you should just forget everything I just said and should not even think about time traveling, otherwise you’ll be brought to the jailhouse for re-education.</p>
<p>And now, traffic.</p>
<p>Start the car. Wait, no that’s not a car, that’s a tractor- no, wait, it’s now an ice cream truck. You don’t question, it happens every day. Pull out onto the empty desert road, with the intention of going nowhere, everywhere, to Big Rico’s Pizza. Follow the signs. Stop at green, and go at red, and speed up at stop signs. Plug in your phone, and play your music, but be careful to not let the children follow your ice cream truck as you drive. Play Ride of the Valkyries, that will keep the children away. Leave them behind. Leave your friends behind. Leave your family behind. Steal a popsicle from the trunk, and Drive. Drive, before they can catch you. Drive upon an endless road, into the inky blackness of the void. Drive.</p>
<p>This has been traffic.</p>
<p>Many of you are wondering how Koshek is doing, and I am overjoyed to say Koshek is doing wonderfully! Of course, he’s still stuck in his spot by the bathroom sink, but as always, he seems quite happy and content there, and has even started purring when I come in! He’s so cute! Not as cute as Carlos, mind you, but it is a close call.</p>
<p>Oh, it appears that someone has slipped a slip of paper under my door! Given that Intern Sophia is tragically dead and - as far as I know - there are no visitors here, I’m going to carefully assume it’s from station management. Saying that, I am taking precautions to make sure this doesn’t blow up my face. Give me a moment, listeners.</p>
<p>Ah, it seems luck is on my side today, listeners! I’ve just received word from station management that I am allowed to go out and interview the strangers in the absence of Intern Sophia! With that, I will grab my stuff and head out, leaving you with...</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ">[The Weather] </a>
</p>
<p>Welcome back, listeners. How was your break? Mine was very… eventful.</p>
<p>After finding out where the visitors were at, I went over to interview them, only to find out they were back at Mission Grove Park and the John Mulaney ripoff was talking with my boyfriend, Carlos the Scientist, about science stuff that definitely did not concern time travel or the space-time continuum, all of which I understood because I too enjoy Science. The rest of the visitors were arguing about something that I think had to do with the young girl in the white suit - I think they called her Vanya? - while a man with very sharp eyeliner was dancing to Britney Spear’s Toxic, causing the others to yell at him.</p>
<p>When Carlos and the visitors spotted me, the John Mulaney ripoff… I don’t know how to say this, listeners, but it almost seemed as if he teleported, which is honestly very cool. I mean, I know at least two-thirds of the town has some special power or ability, such as Hiram McDaniels being a literal five-headed dragon, Meghan was the girl who had a detached adult male’s hand, and Sarah Sultan, the smooth, fist-sized river rock who is the president of the Night Vale Community College, or Deb, the sentient patch of haze. I mean, I myself have a third eye and moving tentacle tattoos, but it’s pretty tame compared to teleportation. All my tattoos do is just move around my body and the only thing my third eye can do is see, like, everything in town when I choose to, but neither of those are as cool as time travel. Or flight, that would be pretty handy as well.</p>
<p>Oh, sorry for the rambling, listeners, and since Station Management is making the lights flicker and my headphones screech, I should get back to the interview. So, after seeing Carlos, the John Mulaney rip off - his name is Five, by the way, which is also an odd name but not as bad as Steve Carlsburg or Kevin or the Handler - asked if I’m the radio host who kept referring to him as the John Mulaney rip off. I nodded and said yes, and for a moment it looked like Five was about to stab me, but the man with eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man managed to calm him down somehow. After that, Five asked where we were, what the date was, what the hell was going on here and how do we know what time travel and the space-time continuum is?</p>
<p>My answers to that were ‘We are in Night Vale, have you not been listening to the radio? It’s September 7th, 2015, not that time is much of a thing here so it may be 2020 for all we know, you’d know wha was going on if you listened to the radio, and that we’re not technically supposed to know about the space-time continuum. But before we could get anywhere else or I could conduct any actual interviews, someone suddenly started shooting at us! How rude, honestly, because it’s polite to wait until an interview is over before you start shooting at people, that’s just basic respect, listeners.</p>
<p>Anyways, a bunch of people in dark blue and black suits came pouring out of several other rips in reality similar to the ones the Five and his companions came out of. Me and Carlos ducked down to hide from the bullets, then a very big man handed the white-suited girl off to the other girl with lovely hair, and they got down beside us. Meanwhile, the remaining five members of the group went out and just… started fighting back against the masked gunmen. And very violently and brutally, too, I have bloodstains in my company-sponsored suit jacket which I’ll have to wash out tonight. Ugh, uniforms. If I was wearing what I wanted to wear, I wouldn’t be half-splattered in blood because my poncho would just deflect all of it! Do you know how much of a hassle it is to get blood stains out of suit jackets? It’s such a pain.</p>
<p>But nevermind that, I can you guys that later. Right now, I have news to report, and it’s my duty as Night Vale’s only radio host to report it. So! While Five and his companions started taking out the masked gunmen, I actually had to hold Carlos down to keep him from getting up to report and gather data on the rifts in the space-time continuum.</p>
<p>Then, all of a sudden, it just stopped. The masked gunmen disappeared, as did Five, the John Mulaney ripoff. We all stood up, curious and the visitors concerned about the kid. There was definitely something going on there, but the rest of the visitors looked at each other and left before I could get my interviews. Oh well, I can always get them another time. Hopefully.</p>
<p>And with the rifts in time suddenly gone, and the weather ending soon, I walked Carlos back to his lab, before hurrying over here so I didn’t miss the broadcast. He was a little shaken up, as is expected when one is caught in the middle of a gunfight, but thanked me for being there. Of course I’ll be there, for my perfect boyfriend and perfect haircut and perfect science. Of course I’ll be here, at my station, in my booth, in front of my microphone, talking to all of you, one-sided as the conversation is. Of course I’ll be here, in Night Vale, for as long as it will have me, and I hope the same for all of you, including our visitors, who seem as if they’re going to be staying for some time to do something unknown to me, and to all of you.</p>
<p>Stay tuned for the next two hours of the sound of Tom Jones’ <em>What’s New Pussycat?</em> With random, <em>It’s Not Unusual</em> ‘s thrown in periodically.</p>
<p>Good night, Night Vale. Good night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I regret Everything :)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>also I hc that station management makes Cecil wear suits and proper clothing because otherwise he would come to work dressed exactly like Klaus (and that the two of them would bond over their boyfriends and clothing styles)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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